Cut the ties
by Amy Urbansdotter
Summary: She has to do this, for herself!


As always, not my world, just borrowing it!

Someone had once told her that breakups are one of the hardest things she will have to live thru. That she one time in her life would get her hear, so broken, in so many pieces that she would not understand how it was possible for her to breath, eat, smile or live again. They told her that she would be left alone to try to mend her broken heart, to become a whole person again. She had lived the experience at the age of sixteen. Draco had been force to break up with her. For her own good. She had been in love with him for so many month. They may not had the best relationship, Draco freaking out over the whole trying to kill Dumbledore thing had made thinks a lot harder than it should have been. But growing up together and six years being round each other every day in school had made them care for one and other a lot. She did care about him so much and it killed her not being able to help him with his task. But a part of her had still thought that they would made it. That when Draco task was over, then their time would come. So when he sat down with her that day and told her that they could not see one and other anymore, that hade almost killed her. He had sounded like bloody Potter, telling her that it was dangerous for her to be with him. That he did not trusted Voldemort, that if they would be together, Voldemort would take out his anger and disappointment of Draco on her. So they had split up and it had been like dying. She had never cried that much as their last year at Hogwarts.

At the age of sixteen she had thought that she was going to die from a broken heart. But she had lived thru and now she knew that the pain she had felt then was nothing against the pain she felt now. The pain of leaving everyone she had grown up with, everyone she loved. She left everyone behind and was not coming back, not letting them know where she went. This is a pain she had never felt before, and she had lived thru her own parents' funeral. To think that this pain was something that she created by herself was hard to understand. But she knew that she had to leave. Why had nobody told her that it hurt so much to be the one to leave? A brief second she wonder if Darco had been this hurt when he had left her? Was it easier for him because they were only teenager back then or had he been dying just like she had been? But she was not a teenager anymore, she was a grown women. She was not going to let the pain take over, because she knew that it was for the better, just like Draco had knew back then.

Pansy look at the plane she was going to border in just a few minutes. She thought about her friends, she loved them so much and she was going to miss every day but she had to leave. For her own sakes, otherwise she would never start the life she knew she could have. And it was time, her family had waited so many years for it to happen. If she closed her eyes she could picture all her friends in front of her, telling her that she was nuts. She could see Blaise laughing at her, telling her to grow up.

Oh Blaise, she was going to miss his laugh. So much fun they had had. Their laugh go all the way back to school. They used to sit together and have so much fun. When she was with him she did not have to make fun of other because they knew how to have fun anyway. She used to cry because she was laughing so hard when she was with him. But in the same time, it was because of his laugh that she had to let him go. When she was with him, she always felt like she still was that scared teenager. That girl that he could boss around if he wanted to, that girl was someone she did not wanted to be anymore. She wanted to be able to try to reach her dreams, to try to become a teacher, without him laughing at her. And he would laugh at her if she told him about her dream, he did always laugh at her and tell her to stop mess around and that she should go back to dream about being a stay-at-home-wife. That she was no Mudblood (oh yes, the word was still being used by her friends. But only when nobody else heard, because let's face it, they did not wanted to get in to trouble again) Granger that could do anything she wanted. No she was just Pansy Parkinsson. She knew that he did not try to be mean to her, that he thought about himself as funny, but she did also know that he did believed that he was right about what he was telling her. She had to let him go so she could go after her dreams.

Her dreams, it was Theo who had told her to go after them. Theo, it was always Theo that convinced her to do something. He was the one that told her to stop caring about that she was dating a former Gryffindor. That she was happy and that he was good to her child and that was all that matters. He was the one she used to hide with in Hogwarts, they used to hide from every one. The stares and knowing glances. Back at school, everyone thought they knew who Theo and Pansy was. They had made up their mind, so Theo and Pansy hide together away from this cruel imagination of them.  
Theo, he really is too good for her, and that was why she have to let him go, so he can be free. She will never love him like he love her. He is the sweets man and many times she caught herself wish to fall in love with him. Things would be so much easier if she did. He was the boy that would comfort her and her broken heart when she and Draco broke off despite the fact that he loved her. He would tell her that she and Draco would fix it, she just had to hang in there. They used to sneak out food every breakfast, sit together where no one could see them, drink their hot coffee and eat their toast and talk about all between heaven and hell. He also made her taste his toast with raspberryjam on and every time did she spit it out and told him that he was gross. He was the one that piece by piece healed her heart and all she did was to break his. He is like her brother and she did really not wanted to let go but because she love him she has to. He is happy with Daphne and Pansy is not going to stand in the way of his happiness.

Daphne, what did happened? They used to be so close, they were best friends in school. Talk about everything. All those night talk about how it would feel to kiss someone and later how it had felt. Pansy would tell Daphne about Draco and Daphne would tell Pansy about Zandra, the girl in the year over them. It was Daphne she had gone crying to when she got pregnant with some boy she met on a party. It was Daphne who told her that if she was happy then it was all that matter. It did not matter if she was not married or even that they were not together. Daphne had told her with a smile on her face that for all that she cared, Pansy did not even need to know his name, because if she kept this baby, it would have all the family it would need.

"Merlins pants, this baby is going to have the best aunt, because I will be the aunt!" Daphne had told her smiling. After that Pansy had really looking forward to get the baby because she knew that she was not aolne. These days it was another story. The only time she heard from Daphne was when she had a question about baby Ruth. (Who, by the way, was named after her, Ruth Pansy Nott. That poor kid was not going to have it easy.) Pansy do not mind to answer baby question if she can but she do mind that the only time Daphne ever talk to her is when she has a question about if Ruth is sick or not.  
She had to let Daphne go so she could be free to meet new friends. Because if Daphne still is in her life, then she will try to make it like before. Pansy do not want to only be some ones friends when it is baby related, she want to have a friends that miss her, that wants to hang out with her and talk about more than just baby fever and rash. So to let herself free, she have to cut Daphne out of her life because they would never become that kind of friends again. Even if that is selfish of her to do, she has to be selfish, just this time.

There is one other reason she has to cut Daphne out, one that she only tells herself when she think she will not be able to leave. That reason is Draco. Draco is soon to be married to Daphnes little sister Astoria, a lovely girl that Pansy has nothing against. The reason is pure Draco. He is the hardest to let go of but also the one that she has to. He is connected with all her friends, best friends with Blaise and Theo, marrying Daphnes sister. He is the spider in the web.

It is not that she still want to be with him, she really do not. She is happy with her life as it is, but a part of her cannot let him go. It is like the attraction that she felt for him when they dated never disappeared. Every time she see Draco play with her daughter Diane, after her dead mother, it is like her heart is melting. It is like she cannot help herself, she starts to wonder about how her life would look like if she and Draco never would have broken up. She caught herself remember them playing together as children, their first kiss, how he had given up his and hers happiness to protect her from Voldemort. She still think he acted as The Fucking Boy, now man, How Refuse To Die, but she know that he was trying to do what was best for her. That he did it because he cared about her.

This is the reason she has to leave. Draco is her oldest friend and they left thing a bit unfinished and a part of her will always be wondering "what if" and that is not something she wants to think about. She do not want to mess anything up. She loves her life, she loves her family and she do really think that Astoria is a lovely girl and do not want do anything that will hurt her. He is the hardest to leave, but the one that she never can see again. She wants to be free and she want her family to be free. Free from her what if thoughts, free from her doubt on herself, free from her guilt of hurt his heart, free from the friendless life.

This is the reason that she is standing here, waiting to board the plane. She loves her friends, but she love herself more.

"Are you ready darling?" Seamus says to Pansy making her leave her thoughts. She looks him in the eyes and smile.

"As ready as I will ever be!" She said and together with Diane, they going on the plane to start their new life.


End file.
